Graeme McDowell, The Nicest Jerk I Never Met

I have become a big fan of the second greatest holiday, Father's Day.  The best is obviously Ground Hog's Day a.k.a. the day of my birth.  This is a recent development due to my child's birth in 2007.  Since then I have had a new appreciation for my own father and have tried to make that day extra special for the both of us.  


After returning from church yesterday we had a nice dinner of fajitas with my father.  Afterwards we opened gifts and then dozed off for our holiday nap in our new snazzy polos.  Everything seemed so perfect.  I woke up to the U.S. Open and thought could this day get any better.  That is when Mr. Graeme McDowell had to go and ruin everything.  


My day was perfectly great and so was my father's until this Irish man decided to fly his dad out to Pebble Beach for Father's Day.  Then as if that wasn't enough he ruined the story of a Cinderella Frenchman winning a qualifier just to get into the tournament and then almost winning except for McDowell.  No, Graeme had to beat the Frenchman along with Tiger, Phil, and Ernie to win the U.S. Open, thus not only giving his dad a vacation, but then winning the United States Open.  Suddenly my dad's new Tom Petty compact disc did not look so hip.  In fact all the presents I have given him for the last 28 years looked ...well LAME!  


Graeme McDowell was funny, well spoken, and an all around nice guy in the interviews thus making me look worse and worse.  Congratulations Graeme on the Open and on RUINING my relationship with my father.  I hope your happy.  Now my dad wants me to win a major not a stupid CD.  Thanks a million, which is probably what you are thinking about trying to spend on your dad's gift for next year.  I knew I should have bought dad socks.

March Madness

This is all about being mad.  I am not talking about crazy, fanatic, or anything else that relates to college basketball.  I am talking about livid, upset, want to beat your face in mad.  I am talking Coach K losing to Maryland last night mad (woops so maybe it does relate to college basketball). 

The key when an individual is mad at someone else is to deal with it in appropriate way.  By appropriate is it better to stay calm or deal with it in the way that makes you feel best.  Well for John Daly it is definitley the latter.  This is why we all love John. 

So what did John Daly do when a reporter ripped him and listed all of Daly's indiscretions in a recent article?

A. Send him a pair of his glow in the dark pants

B. Just let it slide and crack open a Diet Coke 

C. Try to beat the reporter up at a popular Buffalo Wing Establishment

D. Twitter about what a jerk the guy is and post his cell number for Daly fans to call

If you guessed D because it was the longest you are wise. 

Daly did what we all wish we could do, but either we didn't have the number or we thought better of it.  That is what makes Daly so great he does what we wish we could, like rip a 400 yard drive and then drink a Coke on the way to the ball.  At last count the reporter said he had recieved around 30-40 messages from Daly fans, but no threats.  No threats? Come on people what good is a nasty message without a threat?

I may start taking this strategy with my current job hunt.  For every job I don't get I may start listing the number for the interviewer.  I like the sound of this.   

Phil Takes the High Road

     Despite my support, Phil Mickelson, an avid reader I am sure, has decided to put the wedge back in his garage.  Phil accepted Scott McCrying's apology Wednesday and took the high road.  As of yet McCrying has made no such declaration about his Hockey-Stick Putter.  Unlike Phil, I obviously have not taken the high road and still wish Phil would have beat him with that antique wedge.  Phil says he will put the club away for now, but may bring it back in the future.  I hope the secret weapon returns soon.  Who knows maybe Phil loaned it and its magical powers to Peyton Manning for the Superbowl.  Too bad Phil didn't loan Peyton a better joke for media day. Really Peyton taking your little brother's jokes that he stole from the Office?!? It turns out maybe golf is a gentleman's game after all.  Thanks for the reminder Phil.

It's Too Late To Appologize!?!

In the search for PGA justice Scott McCarron would like a few things cleared up. First, he never called Phil a "Cheater" he just said that what Phil does is "cheating". Any good lawyer can see this makes all the difference and I should probably retract my first statement about Scott McCarron. But I never called Scott McCarron a "whiner" or any other thing I just described what he was doing, which was "whining". I think this is enough of a distinction to keep the article posted. Who is this guy, Bill Clinton? For a guy that doesn’t like the extra spin on the golf ball he sure does put some spin on his words.

Phil I would not put too much stock in to a guy that uses a putter that is taller than he is. Seriously? This guy uses a hockey stick to putt with and is worried about other people’s clubs. Should the PGA ban a twenty-year-old wedge or the two-meter putter? Scott, Happy Gilmore called he wants his putter back. If anything should be outlawed it should be anchoring a putter against your collarbone and using a slap shot. Just tap it in, tap tap taperoo.

As an update Robert Allenby supports my theory on how to get one of these magic wedges guaranteed to make you win (Although I could be wrong on this since John Daly is using one*). Allenby stated that you can find them in your garage or on eBay.

*This comment is not intended to rip on Daly, and if he is reading, John, I hope you take a week off clear your head and get back on the links your too talented to hang them up plus the pants wake us up from our naps.

Shame on you Phil Mickelson...

Shame on you, Phil Mickelson for playing by the rules. With all of the controversy in sports over the past few years, why are we talking about a 20-year-old wedge? We don’t have enough to worry about with PED’s, gambling, and countless others not to mention numerous indiscretions of players off the field.

This is different. Golf is a gentlemen’s game, it is against the spirit of the rule, it is an unfair advantage, and everyone should be on the same playing field. These are some of ridiculous reasons I have heard. Sure golf is a gentlemen’s game, but most guys would kick another guy’s ball in the water if he thought it wasn’t outlawed. I have a series of books call A Gentleman, the titles vary from 'at the table', 'at a party'-- mysteriously mine is missing the at the Golf course volume. If it existed, I am sure its first chapter would discuss the use of irons over two decades old never mind the language read on the lips after a missed putt or the moving of boulders or not allowing a golfer with a disease that causes problems walking to ride in a cart. Every time I play, I encounter more and more gentlemen (like the six yahoos playing in the foursome in front of me sharing a cart and not allowing anyone to play through). Never mind trashing on fellow players to the media.

It is against the spirit of the rule because the spirit says although this club is explicitly mentioned in the rule and exempted this implies it shouldn’t be used?!?! Unfair advantage? We are playing with Titanium drivers the size of a watermelon with graphite shafts that can hit the ball 350 yards with a ball that flies straighter and farther and stops on a dime and we are worried about a club made when the original Bush was in office. That is unfair, “Read my lips No 20 year old Wedges.”

Everyone should be on the same playing field. There is a new Internet site, its called eBay- and get this you can buy old stuff there. I am sure if a Pro wants a 20-year-old wedge he can find one. I was not aware there was a shortage. I have one in my bag if anyone wants it- I use it when I am in the rocks, which is about every other shot for me.

Professional golf is COMPETITIVE and HUGE MONEY IS ON THE LINE. What do people do when money is on the line in life? We hire Tax attorneys & CPA’s to interpret the rules to the best of their abilities so we can keep every nickel. We probably shouldn’t do that because it isn’t really in the spirit of the tax code. It is like cheating. Do we blame swimmers for wearing Speedos instead of baggy swim trunks? No, it is in the rules. Is the hitter who notices a seam in the webbing every-time the pitcher throws a curve ball cheating or just smart? How about the coach that calls a timeout just as the kicker is kicking the ball? CHEATER. Even though if he didn’t and it was our favorite team we would all be screaming ice him ice him! We may hate the rule, but we don’t hate those that follow it.

America, Golf, and Scott McCarron you all have bigger problems to worry about, like missing last week's cut. Please forget the 20-year-old wedge sir and get a life. If a Ping-Eye 2 wedge is the difference in Scott McCarron’s world ranking of 204 & Phil Mickelson at number 2, I will gladly buy you won Scott for 50% of your increase in winnings. Better yet, maybe you could play Phil for his. What should be the rules? We don’t want any cheating.